San Francisco Poets Theater Presents: Celebrity Hospital

To protect the privacy of his clientele at Celebrity Hospital in LA, top surgeon Dr. Tim Baldwin admits only famous people. Even the doctors and nurses are (or were) celebrities of a sort. It's another typical day at Celebrity Hospital, as everyone, from Courtney Love to Kurt Russell and Diana Ross, is having work done, and ingenue Scarlett Johansson, avoiding stalker Woody Allen, spends a day in the ward observing and nursing in preparation for her new role in an Oliver Stone film about nurse politics. Then Dr. Baldwin and his staff are confronted by two grave ills, the eco-terrorists known as the Cult of the Black Feather, who demand universal facelifts for the poor and oppressed, and by a strange apparition, haunting the hallways and linen closets of Celebrity Hospital, that looks like a werewolf and seems to be after Hollywood's greatest and most ageless stars, most of whom suffer from apodyopsis—they don't really feel alive unless they're having unnecessary medical procedures.